Being Single, Part II

I hadn't intended to post again so soon about this topic, but this evening I was reading another blog I follow, and a comment left on that blog bothered me deeply. So I decided perhaps writing down my feelings would help me "feel better." (A blog is a good place to vent!)

As I wondered in my previous post on this topic, I wonder why on earth some people feel a need to throw cold water on a single person's desire to one day marry. Why do people, at least some people, feel duty-bound, absolutely compelled, to ARGUE with you about this kind of dream, and try to dampen down your expectations, your hopes, your heart's desires?

The comment on this other blog (and I will paraphrase) was that this particular commenter sees so many single people at church, all of them pining and hoping for a mate, and that due to their age, which the commenter gives as "40 to 55 and never been married," the commenter "knows in my heart of hearts" that "they will probably never see the day they will wear a wedding gown," and the commenter's heart "aches for them." They need to "stop thinking about marriage and find God's purpose for their lives as a single person." (Again, I'm paraphrasing.)

First of all, the comment is obviously directed at single women. I wonder, I sincerely wonder - if there are single men out there who are lonely and yearn for a spouse, do THEY get such comments directed at THEM? I know that every time I have brought up to various friends that I would very much like to get married one day, there will be at least one, if not several, who will basically try to "talk me out of it." They put words in my mouth like "you shouldn't expect someone to make you happy; you should be happy anyway." (Did I say I expected this man, whoever he is, if he even exists, will "make me happy?" I actually argued with one person about the meaning of the suffix "er," as in "No, I don't expect him to make me happy - no person can do that for another person - but I do expect to be happiER because I will have him to share things with and do things with and to give my love to. What is wrong with that?") Or "You shouldn't think so much about getting married. Just learn to be happy the way you are."

Again I wonder - if you're a man and single, do you get the same kind of comments if you express a heartfelt desire to find a wife? And also, why did the person whose comments have caused me to write this post mention the age range of "40 to 55" with the strong assumption that once you reach that age bracket, "you will probably never wear a wedding gown?" If you're 39, there's still a chance, but once you hit 40, that's it, no more hope? And what about if you're 56? Suddenly you have a chance again? And if you're a man who is in that age bracket, will you "probably never wear a tuxedo?"

At least the age has gone up - in the 19th century and prior, if you reached the age of 25 and were still a single woman, you were officially an "old maid" and a "spinster" and "couldn't catch a husband."

Any other "dream" you have, people usually are very supportive. If you fervently want a baby (which I do not), people express their hope that you and your husband will successfully become parents. If you dream of going to college, starting your own business, taking a vacation trip to someplace like Australia, people will be supportive. But for the biggest dream of all - finding a special person to share your life and your love with - people just seem to feel a need to ARGUE with you about it or even REPRIMAND you for it as if you're wrong to even EXPRESS the desire, much less HAVE the desire. Why can't they just simply say, "If that is what you want, if that is your heart's desire and your dream, then I sincerely hope it comes true for you one day, and I will rejoice with you if it does"?

The only other thing I've found this to hold true with is grief, (people try to argue you out of grief, they try to lay a guilt trip on you if you grieve for a lost loved one for what they consider is "too long,") and that is a subject for another post at another time!